I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
