I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
