i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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