I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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