yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
i think my cat just said my name.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
