Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
