the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
