I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
