You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
