oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
