party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
