I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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