After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
