The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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