i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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