I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
