just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
