I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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