Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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