I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
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Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
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So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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