Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
