I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
