I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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