You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
