escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize