had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
