My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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