Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
