I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
