Quick, to the slutcave!
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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