I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
