We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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