Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
