Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
