Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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