Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
