i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
