I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
