was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
