I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
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she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
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All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize