You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
