Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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