Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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