Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
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He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
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Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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