Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
