It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
