my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
