Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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