He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
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I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
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I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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