My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
