Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
