my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
