Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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