Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
