and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
