Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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