Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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