My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
