dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
