i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
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i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize