I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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