How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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