I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
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