You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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