Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Randomize
