so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize