she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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