There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
