Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
