I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
