Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
