Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
